Tintagel Castle and the Legend Of King Arthur

"It befell in the days of Uther Pendragon, when he was king of all England, and so reigned, that there was a mighty duke in Cornwall that held war against him long time. And the duke was called the duke of Tintagil." (Malory - Le Morte D'Arthur)

The Five travelled fast along the A-roads and the B-roads in search of the legendary castle of Tintagel. Their trusty steed, Rover 25 (a curious name), never faltering as they wound their way towards the north. After 45 minutes of their quest they found their way to the King Arthur Car and Caravan Park where a strange machine asked for 2 pieces of gold so they could rest Rover 25 for four hours. They knew their journey was true and that they were on the right path. Clues to the whereabouts of the legendary Arthurian court were everywhere as were signs of magic. Images of wizards, dragons and knights could be bought from the several apothecary shops which lined the main path through the town. One could only marvel at the magical possibilities and arcane practices that could be witnessed at the Camelot Amusement Arcade (open Easter to Halloween). The party considered a refreshing ale at the King Arthur Inn where lips, lubricated from the strength of the local brew, may reveal rumours of the journey ahead. Instead, they followed the sign 'Castle This Way' to quickly continue their search.

Many short minutes later on foot they approached the castle only to find it in ruin as expected. It appeared that they were too late. The castle had already been razed to the ground by the alliance of the evil dragons, the witches of Boscastle, the Welsh (why not?) and the mystical, treacherous figures of Kala-Azar (who live in the East...somewhere beyond the peaceful county of Devon).

The quest for King Arthur continued. What could be salvaged from this grave turn of events? The party walked along the path and found themselves at the top of the Never-Ending Stairs. Carefully, holding hands and handrails, they descended the slippery, stone steps. A magnificent view of rocky coastline and broken castle walls lay before them. Eventually, they came to the bottom of the Never-Ending Stairs which did, in fact, end. A shrivelled, little misshapen man who lived in a small wooden hut...actually he was quite a handsome, tall, early 20 years old knight of the realm...whatever...came out and declared "None shall pass!..here without paying the admission fee."
"But, good Sir, we are members of the Guild Of The National Trust. Does that get us anything?" Sir Wayne inquired.
"Nay, strange Australian. This place is National Heritage. Come, join our guild, it is much better for castles and we are hobbit-friendly at our establishments. We allow the little hobbits to move freely and give them interactive experiences of times of yore." (..."interactive experiences" - what a curious turn of phrase this strange, misshapen fellow had).
Crossing the gate-keepers hand with the requisite sum of gold, the party were allowed to continue through the gate and on with their quest. They decided to take the path to the beach to see if their was any sign of the Great Wizard, Merlin.

There were many questors looking for any who remained from the court of Tintagel. All were struck by the majestic, towering beauty of the cliffs. Merlin was not in his cave, nor was he meditating under the Waterfall of Attempted Solitude (so called due to the number of adventurers disturbing the magical ether of The Haven.)

The party took sustaining rations sitting on the grass overlooking the beach, ever watchful of attack from rival adventurers and their many untamed Hobbits. After lunch they decided to climb The Stairs Of Challenging Fitness to the actual ruins of the sacred keep. A strange spell came over the party as they climbed higher and higher, overlooking the sheer cliffs and the sea far below. Needlessly, Sir Wayne warned the party to stay away from the edge as the height was giddying. A minor fear of heights being of course the only weakness in this mighty warrior.

Soon they were on top of the headland and standing where the great King Arthur once stood, overlooking the Atlantic Sea. A hawk hovered motionlessly in the air above them. Sir Wayne, using his power of empathy with animals, held out his arm drawing this new familiar to him. A gust of wind disrupted the hawk's hover and it flew away.

The weather closed in and it began to rain. The party wrapped their elven cloaks around them to ward off the weather. They had confirmed that the court of Tintagel was lost and that Arthur and the Knights Of The Round Table had departed for Avalon.

Uplifted by their quest, the party descended the now slippery Stairs Of Challenging Fitness. But that was not the only remaining challenge, for as they descended the stairs The Fair Maiden Stefanie had to steathily sidle past a grim woman of Kala-Azar who had a Fell Canine Beast Of Over-Exuberance who chomped at the fair maiden's hand. Luckily, the fair maiden's Woolen Gauntlets Of Weather Protection protected her soft, sensuous skin but she was rather cross that the Fell Beast's tooth had caught on a thread creating a hole.

Surviving the quest, they returned to Rover 25 who was loyally waiting for them in the King Arthur Car and Caravan Park. The sharp-eyed Sir Wayne noticed a National Trust guild house - The Old Tintagel Post Office - nearby so, flashing the secret access card at the young, volunteer gate-guard they went inside the 14th century building to have a quick look. It was a delightful end to their adventure so, tired and happy they went home via the A-roads and the B-roads.